I have worked with thousands of women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy. The Women who have chosen adoption have committed to putting themselves aside for 9 months in order to give their baby life.
Some say they feel selfish for choosing adoption. My answer to them is how can putting yourself aside in order to bring a baby into the world and then hand picking the life you want for that child be selfish? I have found the women I work with to be brave, giving and unselfish, wanting their child to have the best from life even if they know they are not the one who can give them that life. So selfish is not a word I would use to describe the choice of giving a baby up for adoption.
Once you have made your choice let go of any guilt or feelings of being a bad person, you are giving your child the greatest gift possible “Life” and you are helping create a family for someone who cannot have a child on their own.
Now how can you use this experience to help improve your life situation? A healthy adoption should be a win- win for everyone involved and that means for you too. Not just for the baby or for the adopting family but this should be a time where you move ahead and correct areas in your life that are not where you need them to be.
You have a choice and the choice is to place the baby and to go back to the same life you have been living or you can use the time to make changes you may be need to make to improve your life going forward.
Steps you can take to turn this pregnancy into a positive time of growth:
- You will be provided a social worker to help you with all of the feelings and emotions you have about the pregnancy and the adoption. Use those services to help you find peace with your choice.
- Choose an adoptive family that you truly connect with. Many times wonderful nurturing relationships unfold between adoptive parents and birth parents. This relationship can be incredibly supportive and can help you in ways you may never have anticipated.
- Take some time to think about what you want in life going forward. If there are areas that have not been working, or mistakes you have made repeatedly , use this time to reflect on what you want to change and how you can use this difficult experience to motivate you to make the necessary changes to move on to a better life.
- You will receive help with pregnancy related living expenses. If you are financially unstable this can help you get on your feet and help you stay stable after the birth.
- If you are in an unhealthy relationship take the steps you need to correct the relationship or make a plan to move on.
- Draw on the strength and support of family and friends
I hope you find the strength you need as you move through the months ahead.